Look, I have not prepared this post. I just remembered yesterday that I had created a tiny corner of the internet for myself, almost 1,5 years ago. Since then I have settled quite a bit in Amsterdam. I am now half-way through my studies. I moved from Amsterdam to Diemen, because I did not look for housing in time. I kept the same friends I made in the beginning of the year and got some more. I started a job and quit a job. I got a boyfriend, my first boyfriend. I am really happy here. But there are also some things I want to change. I have chased self-improvement for a long time so this is not what its about. I don’t want to eat healthier, drink more water or work out more (or at all for that matter). But I want to remember a couple of things which were once very important to me but have been put aside for a while.
1. I want to change the way I consume
I spend a lot of money. I get a take-away coffee almost every single day, even though I can just as well drink coffee at home. I don’t prepare lunches and buy sandwiches instead. I go grocery shopping even though I still have food at home just because I am craving something else. I have lost any appreciation for the things I eat. In my gap year, I worked on farms, harvested my own produce and baked my own bread. Even when I lived at home for some time and at the very beginning of my Uni career I would cook at home at least once a day. I also used to be vegan. Now I treat myself to crisps or even ready-meals, though rarely. And while I don’t necessary want to go vegan again I can’t get rid of the feeling that there is something off about the way I shop and spend my money. Something that doesn’t quite align with the things I believe in. While I have struggled with disordered eating in the past, I have recently concluded that choosing not to buy or not to consume something does not necessarily equate restriction. If my mindset is right, it equate consciousness. Awareness. Action rather than reaction.
- Use what you have!
- Vegan January
- Buy seasonal fruits and veggies
- Only get coffee with friends
- No mindless shopping
- Shop ethically
2. I want to find balance
I have struggled with a racing mind for almost 2 years. My stress levels are high at all times. I am so overwhelmed at times that I get feel sad, tired and unmotivated without any reason. Especially for the past half year, even though my workload was not that high, I have been living in a haze. It’s time to take responsibility. I live a really beautiful life, I just need to enjoy it.
- Go outside more
- 30 Days of Yoga
- Change your mindset- why do you work?
Frankly, most of these goals are quite vague. They are vague because I don’t quite know how to translate them into reality just yet. I just want to feel authentic again. I want to be excited about what is to come. I want to find the beauty in the simple things. I want to find my direction again, my faith in myself.
- 2020, here we go.